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When non-bisexuals define bisexuality as "fluid" what they usually mean is "no-one can be genuinely attracted to more than one gender at the same time, so it must be about being gay some days and straight others". Bisexuality isn t inherently fluid - it s just attraction to more than one gender. Bisexuality is just a phase We disagree with "it s just a phase". A lot! So much so that we ve needed to make a separate page just for that, and it s still expanding. See our " Just a Phase?
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It s okay to spell it Bi-sexuality isn t it? Bisexuality is not a combination of heterosexuality and homosexuality. We re not half formed or half committed. We re whole. We are not bi-sexual, or bi sexual or BiSexual we re bisexual! The word is in the dictionary - it s not two words put together.
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Pretending the word "bisexual" doesn t exist is a tiny, trivial way of denying our legitimacy, but it still is one. After all, if what we have is two sexualities then maybe we should pick one and stick with it? But in reality there s no indecision, no uncertainty, no halves. And what s more, bisexuality isn t a bridge between Gay and Straight.
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So, perhaps there s no need for hyphens. Incidentally, even people who write "bi-sexuals" don t use "bi-sexuality". Time for some consistency, perhaps? Have you ever met a bisexual who prefers to be a bi-sexual? That hyphen makes the stress longer, the pause audible. It s a chance to dwell on the syllable "sex" straight after. But it s not all about sex, and we don t have two competing natures.
Apparently they have come up with a new word "barsexual" for women who ll flirt with other women when they re drunk. The objection is that they re either giving bisexuals a bad name as experimenters or else playing into the idea that we re all straight really. Barsexuals certainly not "real bisexuals", we re told - but here at the Bisexual Index we disagree! They might be, it s up to them.
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We think that attraction is the key to bisexuality, not the relationships, or the sex, or the lifestyle. We re also well aware that some people find it easier to show their attraction after a few pints, but we don t think that alcohol changes sexuality, just lowers inhibitions. Yes, some people aren t interested in sex, or relationships, with more than one gender - just flirting and kissing. But the amount of attraction isn t relevant for bisexuality - just its existence.
The same thing goes for straight and gay: if you were attracted to only the opposite sex, but just wanted to kiss, cuddle and flirt with them, then don t you agree you d still have every right to call yourself straight if you wanted to?
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We think that the same thing holds true for gay people, and so it must hold true for bisexual folk too, regardless of the amount of attraction they feel towards other genders. Just as you can be bisexual without having yet slept with more than one gender, so you can be bisexual without wanting to do so either.
It s not about the sex. Ultimately it s up to people to label themselves, so we think that "barsexuals" who use the word "bisexual" about themselves have every right to do so, and bisexuals who feel the b-word needs to be protected from fuzzy edges should go and calm down. Sexuality is all about those fuzzy edges! Words like barsexual and bicurious are used as slurs to denigrate people and set up "good bis" vs "bad bis".
Please don t join in. Bisexuals are plague dogs The early warnings about HIV and AIDS targeted us as a high risk group , when the real risk is not about who you are, it s about what you do.
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Bisexuals have taken this personally and have taken the lead in educating about safer sex. It can be a bit of a surprise when someone you love tells you something that you hadn t realised.
It doesn t matter if that something is "I m adopted! Some news is good news, some news is bad news, and some news it just news.
On hearing their partner is bi, some people wonder if this means they ll be unfaithful, or leave them for someone of a different gender, or if this means they ve already been sleeping around during the relationship. But being bisexual doesn t mean these things - just as being attracted to a range of hair colours, or ages, doesn t mean that either.
You re the one they re with, you! If the prompt that made your partner tell you was a simple desire to be more truthful, that s great.
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Kind of like telling you they re really adopted just after you met their parents. Try to treat it like that, and not like they lost the car. It s not the lottery either - rather than think "Are there some good things about having a bisexual partner?
Being bi doesn t make people unfaithful to their partners.
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Deciding to be unfaithful does that fine on its own. Everyone is Bisexual really The often quoted "Everyone is bisexual really" is utter rubbish!
When people say this they hardly ever include themselves for starters. It s a phrase people use to dismiss bisexuality - after all, if we were the majority we needn t kick up a fuss. When people use it they seem to mean "potentially" and talk about how we re born bisexual.
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This is either not true, or not useful. We re tired of trying to decide which. It s about as useful as saying "Everyone s mixed-race really" when talking about ethnicity - it s not accurate in any real sense and doesn t provide any useful answers or usable insight when trying to combat racism or privilege.
Some people are attracted to only one gender. Some people are attracted to more than one gender.